For over 25 years I have worked with men, young men and more recently couples to hear about the stories and experiences that have shaped their lives. In these conversations time is spent appraising how life does not seem fulfilling, something is missing or needs to change. I have come to hear and admire the amazing capacity of people to persevere for a better, more preferred experience of their lives. To continually find the energy to strive towards more fulfilling connections with others and with self.
Many times, I have met with men who have harmed themselves with substances, hurt both strangers and/or people they care about in really confronting ways, and often struggling to find a sense of fulfilment that their best efforts don’t seem to be able to make happen. Often these men have found themselves thinking they were meant to act that way, should act that way, and/or are operating with a set of ideas that suggest to them they are allowed to act that way, regardless of the consequences for others. Few men I have talked to feel very content in lives impoverished by substances, violence, abuse, anxieties, and/or the lingering effects of trauma.
What these conversations has shown is that men are often recruited into thinking about their lives by strong social forces that end up obstructing fulfilment and may encourage irresponsible behaviour towards themselves and others. For some men there are whole other sets of ethics they prefer to live by that are feeling elusive, or they are not choosing to honour often enough. Therapy is an opportunity to appraise life as it is being currently lived and to reconsider how life might become transformed with a different relationship to ideas about who men can be, should be and how men hope to impact the lives of people they care about .
Rethinking people and problems
Transforming lives through re-authoring stories of self and possibility
Therapy can be an opportunity to ENHANCE life. To ENHANCE enjoyment and meaning from our daily experiences of ourselves and others. To ENHANCE our experiences of the joy and fulfilment we are striving for a life less negatively influenced by problems. Therapy is not a guarantee or straight line directly to fulfilment, but it can be an opportunity to examine life for more preferred ways of living where hopes and goals can feel closer and more attainable. Where life possibilities are ENHANCED.
People often come into therapy feeling their life possibilities are affected, shaped, or even dominated by problems. We live in a world where we can be recruited into believing that we just need to be stronger, more resilient, and/or just better at being a person if we want a better, maybe more preferred life. Some ways of thinking about problems can even invite people to see themselves as the problem like there is something wrong with them or even broken inside them. The meanings we attach to past events, current experiences, and future possibilities profoundly influences our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. These meanings can effect what we think is possible in life, even diminish who we think we are or can be.
Narrative and other progressive therapy styles believe that the meanings we make of life are shaped by the stories available to us. These stories are an outcome of the times and culture/s we live in. These stories can be very loud and dominating and have huge influences on how we understand our lives in terms of what life needs to look like for who. Stories like who men or women have to be, what a good life is, and even what a happy life looks like. These stories seem to have just emerged as true or like they are the only proper way to live a good or valuable identity. However, they were created over time, can and do change and some of these stories are no longer helpful to us, some have even shown themselves to be quite dangerous ideas. Therefore, many stories though very powerful are in fact not truths about the only ways we can or should live but an outcome of dominant political narratives of a particular time and place.
Narrative therapy invites a deconstruction, or re-appraisal of these political identities and explores how they align (or don't align) with people’s actual preferred lives and personal values. Stories are considered as just one perspective thus allowing stories to be reconsidered and reappraised which can reshape, or transform the stories about self and possibility. It can be hard not to notice how we can be recruited into ideas that don’t serve us very well as they can appear to be just the truth, or about big concepts like human nature, good and bad people, happiness and success, etc. Sometimes we can evaluate ourselves with these dominating narratives. For example, a man who understands his life through the lens of "failure" against a story about what a successful man should be may come to realise that this perception of failure also contains a broader, more complex story of a preferred life and perseverance. By engaging with the possibilities of this alternative narrative, he may begin to see his life less as a series of failures, but as a life of continued striving for something in the face of difficulties.
The counselling process invites individuals to reshape these stories, transforming them from burdens and problem saturated into alternative stories that enhance future possibilities for living and ultimately, joy. People can use narrative therapy to construct new, alternative stories that reflect their political beliefs in a positive and empowering way. By examining personal experiences, values, and desires, they can create a personal narrative that aligns more with enhancing possibilities for a life they prefer to live. As such, people may experience an enhanced capacity to transform their lives and experience greater satisfaction and joy.
While narrative therapy can be transformative, it must be conducted within a framework of strong ethical principles. Ethical counselling practices prioritise safety, respect, fairness, responsibility and accountability, anti-racist and anti-sexist competence.
Dr Tony Fletcher
BA, BSW, MSW, PhD
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